Just A Mom with Anxiety

My anxiety is really bad today. I woke up shaking. It’s been a really long time since that’s happened. I just don’t understand why I can’t feel normal. I will say that I think a large part of it, is the fact that when I leave in the morning, my son is screaming for me and I can’t hold him. I have to leave. I have to go to work. I know it’s for his own good as we need insurance and we need to have two incomes, I guess these are just the struggles of the average American woman right now. It just sucks every day. All I can focus on is how and what I can do to not have to work. How can we get insurance but without working you have to pay like three grand a month for insurance on top of everything that you pay for if you actually use it, right? I don’t know if I’ll ever figure it out, but I sure hope I do. I forget how young I am but I’m reminded every day of how fast life goes and how it can be taken in a moment notice, that’s another thing that gives me anxiety is knowing that I could die at any time and I wouldn’t be here for my son. It makes it that much more important to me that I have everything set up for life so he can be successful, along with my husband. It’s a heavy weight to be carrying every day and I really need to let it go and just be in the present, but my entire life, I’ve lived in the future. I’ve always been excited about the future, but what used to be the future is now and I need to be present. I’m living the life I once dreamed for, so why isn’t it enough? Will I ever feel it is? I guess time will tell.